Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
