True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have post one night stand depression
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
