It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
