6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
