thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
