The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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