if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I stole a fireplace last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
