you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
