why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
