Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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