And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
