his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
