Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
