found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
