Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
