I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
