HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
