Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
