really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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