Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
