last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
tell me about the fingering
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
