The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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