How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
