I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
