You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
