Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
