yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
