I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
