the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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