If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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