from now on my penis is your penis
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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