I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You don't make any sense
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