dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
