i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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