Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
