like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love accidental penises.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
