if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
