I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
