i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
