There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
