I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
