I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
