i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
