I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
