Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
