You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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