I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
