He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
