Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
