so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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