She is in my trunk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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