I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
