How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
